Inane Ramblings of an Over Caffinated Mind
Monday, September 19, 2005
EmptyEver get this strange feeling that your life is entirely empty and if you dropped off the face of the Earth tomorrow, nothing would skip a beat?
I get that feeling often and it’s quite unnerving. The disappearing into nothingness doesn’t quiet bother me as much as the fact I feel empty.
Of course I know that people will miss me if I should evaporate, but life would still go on. It’s like losing a tooth. Yes, you notice it at first and you are self-conscious of the gaping void, but over time, the shifting of the other teeth cover up any remnant of the missing tooth. And eventually, it’s as if you’ve never had it in the first place.
Who is to blame for this emptiness? Why me of course! Maybe I am just suffering a bout of craziness. I don’t know what could be missing from my life. Career…check…financial stability…check…loving companion…check...good health…check. What more can a girl ask for?
I don’t want a child…way too much responsibility.
I don’t want religion…way too plebian, way too needy.
There’s a voice inside that screams, “Throw it all away! Throw it all away!” Is it the career, the financial stability, the status quo that is the root of all this overwhelming emptiness? Can I not appreciate what I have? Am I only satiated by the constant adrenaline rush associated with acquiring something whether it be status, love or the perfect body?
I probably just need to grow up.
